Wednesday, April 30, 2008

The rest of the story ...

Since the time I slipped under 200 pounds for my "15 minutes" back in 1995, I have never weighed in the "100's" in my adult life. I will be very, very happy to see the 100's again, but some days it feels like I'll never get there. I am very good at sabotaging myself when I am close to a goal.

I've been "talking" with my e-mail buddy, Vikki, the past few days about my unhealthy dependence on -- and unhealthy relationship with -- food. As I told her, food still is just w-a-y too important to me. I use it to comfort myself, console myself, reward myself, rejuvenate myself ... you name an emotion and I use food to highlight it or block it.

Since my surgery, my weight has vacillated anywhere from 200 to 265 pounds. When Steve and I started dating in 1997, I was near the upper end of that range. I white-knuckled my way down to about 220 by the time we got married. I've been up and down since then.

Steve is such a wonderful guy ... he has never put me down because of my weight. He loves me for me, and not for a number on the scale. He has talked about wanting me (both of us, actually) to be healthy, so we'll be around for awhile. To the extent that weight affects my longevity, he wants me to lose weight. But, having said that ... I know he's proud of me for losing and wants me to keep on with it.

So, the struggle continues. And yes, it is a struggle ...


Vikki said...

Does Steve have a twin brother in Texas???? He's such a sweety, I could use one of those...giggle

I'm proud of you too. We've been at this for a year, that's something to be very very proud of. So you pat my back and I'll get yours.

Patty said...

Sounds like a plan to me, girl! Consider yourself are my hero.

Unfortunately, Steve doesn't have brother...too bad, cause then we could have really been sisters! :-)

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