Friday, June 20, 2008

Hitting the wall

I've had a couple of really hard days. Yesterday I ended up working until after 9 p.m. This was after my getting a pounding headache in the middle of the day. I went into a lawyer's office (he's out of town), closed his door, and crashed on his couch for an hour instead of eating lunch. It helped my headache, but I was still really tired.

So today was another incredibly busy and stressful day. I broke down in tears no less than five times during the day, as well as when I finally got home and cried on my sweet hubby's shoulder. I just feel like I have no resources left. I can do okay if it's a "normally stressful" sort of day, but when it's like it has been the last couple of days ... I just feel like I have nothing to help me deal with it all. My emotions are absolutely raw; everything seems just so hard ... I've just got to get a grip, somehow.

I took my second B-12 shot last night (can't remember if I blogged about it, but I'm on a weekly regimen of B-12 shots for 4 weeks to see if my fatigue will subside). Anyway, for a day or two, I honestly thought things were better -- I saw a shadow of "the former self" and was able to do things around the house in the evening after working a full day. That feeling is absolutely gone.

My feeling of desperation just grows with each passing week. I have GOT to find out what is wrong with me. I tried to make an appointment with an endocrinologist the other day, so I can get some thyroid tests that go beyond the basic screening test. However, the office I called does not take "walk-in" appointments; my PCP would have to call and set up the initial visit. It was very discouraging, especially since my NP said she would not pursue thyroid tests unless the basic one came back abnormal. And it did not...

I feel very frustrated, because I feel like am not in charge of my body and my medical treatment. I'm supposed to go back to my NP after the four weeks of B-12 treatments, for follow-up blood tests. I think I'm going to call the office, though, and request an appointment with the MD instead of the NP. I don't know if he will help me, but I sure hope so. I can't go on like this, that's for sure.


Vikki said...

Oh Patty,
I'm so very sorry. I do wish there was something I could do to help. If you need me you know where I am.
Great big hugs girl,

DAR said...

Hi, Patty. I finally got around to catching up on my Bloglines and read your message.

I'm so sorry you're feeling so tired and defeated. I know it doesn't help to tell you I can relate, but I do know how you feel.

I'll be praying for you to have a good weekend and hopefully you'll be able to recharge your batteries a little. Close your eyes and pretend you're back at your mountain getaway...

Patty said...

Vikki, you are such a great friend. Thank you so much. Your email made me cry, did I tell you? Of course, that's not such a stretch these days...anyway, it was such a sweet and caring message, nevertheless. What did I ever do to deserve you for a friend?

Dar, thank you for your message. I know you've had so much going on with your health lately, and I've been so concerned for you. I do believe you can definitely relate. Even if our problems aren't identical; they are debilitating in their own way. Thank you for your prayers. I hope you have a great weekend, too.


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