Where I am right now...

First, let me say thank you to all the people who expressed condolences in my mother’s passing. I appreciate them so much, and it has helped to know there are people who have held me in their thoughts and prayers.

It’s been a really dark and difficult time. The stress and grief seem to have sent my pain levels higher than I thought they could go. I have not been functioning very well at all – missing work, not taking calls, not really motivated to do much of anything and not hopeful that things would change. At the same time, I’ve been trying different measures to manage the pain – physical therapy, acupuncture, herbs and vitamins, along with continuing the fibromyalgia, anti-inflammatory, and pain meds.

Last week, my doctor put me on Cymbalta. It’s an anti-depressant that helps with pain, and it’s recently been approved for fibromyalgia. My pain is definitely at a lower level than it was a week ago, and for that I am very grateful. It’s amazing how much difference a little pain relief makes. Emotionally, I mean.

For the most part, I’m still not leaving the house except to go to work, and I’m still avoiding taking calls and dealing with people. But it’s okay. It’s what I need to do right now. I’m feeling a lot of anger and sadness all mixed together, and over a number of different situations in our lives right now. I hope that will change soon, but it’s where I am right now…

Goodbye, Mom ...

My mother passed away on Sunday, February 1, 2009 at 3:20 a.m. following a long and hard battle with dementia. She was well loved and loved well, and she will be greatly missed.

I’m not functioning terribly well yet, but I wanted to make this post, just to let my readers know. I’ll post more soon. It’s terribly, terribly hard – as anyone who has lost a mother would know. I’ve spent the last few years mourning the “loss” of my mother (the true essence of her), and so I guess (irrationally) I thought that her actual death would not be so very painful. After all, it was not unexpected. And by the end, we were praying that she would just not suffer anymore. But … even with all that … this is a pain that I’ve never experienced.

If you’ve been a long-time reader of this blog, you know that within the past two years I’ve lost both my sister (in a house fire) and my brother (cancer). And now my mom. I think I’m actually feeling the culmination of all three losses at once.

Anyway, it’s just incredibly hard and I’m not in a good place right now. I believe it will get easier as time goes on – that’s what friends are telling me, anyway.

I’ll post more when I can.